Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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