DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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