so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
