Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
