How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
