Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
