I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
