Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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