i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
