Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
