drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
