I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
