I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
