I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
