Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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