The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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