she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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