i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
