Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
