I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
