A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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