I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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