Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
