I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
