lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
