I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
