oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
