Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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