My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
