Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
