Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
