I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
