she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
