More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
