It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
