i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
