Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
