shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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