An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
