my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
