Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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