he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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