You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
