It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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