The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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