i jhust puked up my retainher.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
