I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
