At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Congratulations! We have a period
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