on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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