your parents love me but you hate me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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