Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
