I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
