I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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