Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
