did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
