glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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